


But I Never Promised You

by orphan_theism



Category: South Park
Genre: Background Kyle Broflovski/Kenny McCormick, Background Relationships, Background Stan Marsh/Wendy Testaburger, High School, Homophobic Language, Idiots in Love, M/M, Post-Canon, dont worry i save you the pain, homophobia is from cartman obviously, lots of swears edgelords, main ship is creek just fyi, post breakup
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2018-10-06
Packaged: 2019-07-23 20:54:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16166822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_theism/pseuds/orphan_theism
Summary: Puberty wasn’t kind to anyone, especially not anyone living in South Park. Yet there he was, sitting opposite to an 18-year-old who rather than getting hit in the face by the freight train called Puberty, levelled up his attractiveness to level -fucking- 1,000. Friends had come and gone, but their main group had always stayed the same as it had been since elementary. That was, everyone but Tweek Tweak. Without explanation, the Tweak family got up and left without leaving a single drop of evidence that they had ever breathed in the quiet mountain town. No adult ever talked about them or even admitted they had existed. It all felt like a giant fucked up prank, or the start of a true crime podcast.





	1. A Match That's Burning Out

**Author's Note:**

> This was started at 1 am, while drunk, while listening to All Time Low (the old shit), for my girlfriend at the time. It is 9 months now since we broke up and it was messy. Maybe continuing this can bring someone the joy we couldn't find in each other
> 
> Also, I think this is a really dope idea and it meant to be set in the universe of the South Park edits I did (and never finished):  
> http://ourdreamsareneon.tumblr.com/tagged/south%20park%20aesthetic  
> Might help to give you a bit of the CW aesthetic I've trapped myself in here
> 
> EDIT: I noticed some errors those have now been fixed awhoops

Craig ran his finger over the rim of the drink in front of him, eyes glued to the frosty glass that dripped onto the cheap wooden table. Puberty wasn’t kind to anyone, especially not anyone living in South Park. Yet there he was, sitting opposite to an 18-year-old who rather than getting hit in the face by the freight train called Puberty, levelled up his attractiveness to level -fucking- 1,000. Friends had come and gone, but their main group had always stayed the same as it had been since elementary. That was, everyone but Tweek Tweak. Without explanation, the Tweak family got up and left without leaving a single drop of evidence that they had ever breathed in the quiet mountain town. No adult ever talked about them or even admitted they had existed. It all felt like a giant fucked up prank, or the start of a true crime podcast. They were all only 13 when Tweek left, only 13 when they had to break up for the second time, only 13 when the whole town mourned their departure from love drunk kittens into victims of a cold uncaring world. The first time they split was fake but it hurt Craig, it hurt because it seemed so real. When they did it for real...nothing could have prepared him for that pain and heartbreak. So after bottling up that heartbreak for five years, Craig found himself unable to look up at the shaggy-haired (ever so nervous) boy in front of him.

 

“How was…Canada?” Craig asked as if he didn't know he was wrong, the words leaving his lips sounded as dull and lifeless as the Diner they had met up in. No matter how many years went by, Craig still used apathy as a shield. He knew exactly where Tweek had moved, down to the postcode and street name. It was impossible for him not to hear the address in his head whenever he thought about Tweek and about how he said he would write him letters. Fuck, he felt like such an awful friend. Tweek had only just moved in that morning, he said he wanted to meet with Craig because his parents wanted to get him out of the shop while they moved back in. But the way he fidgeted with the lid of his black extra-large triple shot coffee, the way his stupid eyes darted back and forth between Craig’s with wonder, the fucking stupid way his bullshit mouth hung open slightly as if every word from Craig’s lips were sent from God herself, they told a different story.

“Florida,” Tweek corrected quickly, “it was-- g-good. Hot, lonely-- uncomfortable. But, it was good.” His pale lips shifted up slightly, almost in pride as his eyes begged for Craig to look up at him for just a moment. Craig hadn’t gotten any better over the past 5 years. He had gotten older obviously, but all that did was emphasise his inability to grow facial hair and make his limbs lankier than they were before. The most shocking thing to change was probably that he had stopped wearing his signature blue beanie, having outgrown it years ago and never thought to replace it, exposing his millennial appropriate undercut to the world. Tweek, however, hadn't become lanky and awkward, he had grown to be more attractive than Craig had considered would be possible. If he sorted out his 'coffee' addiction and calmed down a little, he might even be considered hot to people that weren't Craig.

“Hot, lonely, and uncomfortable,” Craig repeated, he looked up but his eyes neglected to meet Tweek's. Instead, he found himself looking just beyond him out the window at his friends, Kyle, Stan, and Token, all sitting in the bed of the bright red truck Kyle had got for his 18th birthday. The fact they had all coincidentally decided to hang out in the dinner parking lot at the same time he was meant to be 'reuniting' with 'the one that got away' didn't do much to ease his spirits. He knew them well enough to know that they had driven there to watch the shit show that was about to unfold in front of them. They were assholes like that.

“You haven't missed anything at all, everyone's still assholes,” Craig assured him, turning his gaze back to Tweek as he realised that everyone in the truck was looking at him.

“Oh except Kenny. He got weirdly cool over the summer and now the whole town is in love with him. We try not to talk about it.”

Tweek offered a polite smile, seeing clearly that Craig was trying to lift the mood the best that he could. It was a nice gesture but seldom do gestures fix things and turn everything back to how they were five years ago before you left a place you loved to pieces.  
  
“Have you met anyone?” Craig asked with a bittersweet tone, the question seemed to shock Tweek who choked on his coffee.

“No!” He was quick to answer, “no. Everyone in Florida is-- they're all so _weird_ …” his eyes glazed over for a moment, the horrors of the hot state flashing before his eyes in a sweaty montage. “What about you?” He dared to ask

“I have a girlfriend,” Craig answered, his words made the entire Diner fall silent, had they been listening to them the whole time? He was definitely gonna get beat up tomorrow morning by some Asian girls.

 

There was that face again, the face that made Craig's heart shatter into a million shipwrecked pieces. The eyes darting back and forth between Craig's like a hamster on coke running around its tiny cage looking for someone to save him. His mouth hung open ever so slightly but unlike before, there wasn't any lovesick amazement to cause it. No, this time he looked like he had been stabbed in the gut with a wooden spoon: pure pain and shock matched with the small grunt that would accompany such a gruesome attack.

“I-I, I mean, th-that’s great, Craig.” Smiles were meant to look happy, they were meant to _be_ happy but the small smile on Tweek’s lips was anything but. Tweek had left for five years, he couldn't expect to come back and have Craig waiting for him. They weren’t even going out for that long. Just three years. Not long at all. And besides, all of that was a weird act, right? Maybe it had started that way, but no one forced them to stay together, they signed that contract themselves.  
“It's not like I…,” thought we would be soulmates, “you s-said that you would wa-- that you would wait for me but…I-- I guess it was never a pro-- promise,” Tweek’s stutter was always a fairly good indicator of how he was feeling. Around everyone else, he would fault a couple of times in a sentence except when he was stressed where that number would increase dramatically. Around their friends that frequency dropped, and at a time, a long _long_ time ago, it had dropped completely around Craig.

“I couldn't promise you that. I didn't know when- I didn't know _if_ you would ever be back. I thought you would've found someone new. Besides, people change, you could've come back a completely different person. I didn't want to get my hopes up only to have you come back after moving on from me. That sounded wrong. I guess, I just expected that you would move on with your life, I was scared...I should've kept in contact with you, tried a long distance thing...maybe then things wouldn't be so...messy.” Craig's words were met with a painful silence that was broken only by the sound of another patron dropping their glass in shock and another muttering something about Craig being a dick. It was odd how obsessed everyone was. They had been counting down the days until he arrived, they had drawn new pictures of Tweek and Craig reuniting (all with different images on how Tweek would have changed. None of them guessed correctly when it came to the light tan and new freckles that the sun had given him.

“Do I know her?” Tweek finally asked after what seemed like a century of silence, his voice breaking Craig's daze.

“No. She only moved here six months ago. We’ve been going out for two," Craig sounded like he was being interrogated. For the first time, he sounded nervous.

“That’s-- “ Tweek looked out the window behind him frantically, out to the red truck where three familiar faces pretended not to be looking. Stan was the first to look away from Tweek’s hopeless face, going back to talking with the group immediately. “I’m h-happy for you," he lied through his teeth with another distraught smile.  
Tweek turned his gaze back down to the takeaway coffee cup in his hands and as if all his prayers were answered, Stan Marsh ducked his head through the door to the dinner.

 

After Kenny and Craig, Stan was the next in the line of boys to be blessed by puberty. He had that pop-punk white boy look to him, that is to say, he would have been really attractive in the 90s but now he kinda just looked like someone who would make daily vlogs and play the guitar for his boyfriend. Why Wendy stuck it out for so long was a mystery to everyone.

"Hey, sorry to split up the party but can I steal you, Craig? We’re trying to settle a bet.” The word ‘party’ was normally used to describe a happy event where children play and adults do body shots and things they’ll regret for the rest of their lives. What was going on in that dimly lit Diner was the furthest from a party they could get. So either Stan was an idiot or the words he threw across the diner to their booth were a polite way to pretend he wasn't aware of what was going on. No matter how good of an actor he might have claimed to be 'aw, honey, I'm so sorry' might as well have been plastered on his forehead. Those puppy dog eyes where all Craig needed to be convinced Stan knew what was best and reluctantly accepted his attempt to get him out. 

Craig didn't say anything as he got up out of the booth, paid for their drinks, and left swiftly, not looking back. Not looking back normally means you're leaving something bad behind and going forward into something better, but Craig knew that wasn't true. Craig knew what he was leaving was wonderful and that going out to the bright red truck with Stan wasn't the best option. He felt like an asshole leaving him there, he felt like an asshole for having a girlfriend, he felt like an asshole for not staying in contact, he felt like an asshole for so many things and 99 of them were to do with Tweek. Stan and Kyle were immediate to point out every single thing he had done wrong and how to fix everything, although some of their ideas seemed a bit...far fetched. Token would have chimed into the conversation but he was preoccupied with wrestling with a vending machine outside of the Diner.  
“Whatever. What are you doing here anyway? You don’t have a vested interest in this.” He pointed out, hopping up on the truck bed where Kyle was lying down, staring up at the darkening sky.  
“We have a vested interest in seeing you fail,” Token answered bluntly as he walked over to the truck, throwing a can at Stan who stumbled to catch it.  
"That's not true!" Stan protested, his hand tightened slightly on the can in his hand as he struggled not to reach out and touch Craig. He hated being pitied, but Stan wanted to help him so badly. "We're here because we're trying to be supportive of our friend in a time that's especially rough for him."   
"Which is why Kenny and Cartman aren't here," Kyle pointed out, giving Craig's side a light kick. "Cartman doesn't know we're here so don't mention it, ever. Because I like my limbs."   
"And Kenny...?" Craig trailed off  
" _Kenny needs an ego check_ ," Kyle huffed, clearly very annoyed at his friends recently found fame.  
There was a beat before Craig spoke again, "there's not a bet is there? Stan just wanted to get me out of there before I made him cry?" He asked, only getting silence as a response. Silence and Stan's warm hand on his shoulder. 

Craig let out a sigh as he fell against the bed, causing Kyle to move over slightly. They stayed like that the rest of the night, Stan and Craig looking at the sky listening to Token and Kyle argue about God knows what. Token didn't seem to be into it, obviously, the guy was hard to anger, but that didn't stop Kyle going off on a rant. At some point, it went from Craig’s relationships to chilli dogs and if they were good or if Sonic was just ‘a fat fucking hedgehog with no impulse control’. Either way, Craig didn’t care much for it and it didn’t seem like Stan did either. While they were talking and freezing their balls off outside, Tweek sat there in that booth for hours ordering coffee after coffee. He didn't want to walk out into the carpark while Craig and "the Boys minus two members, plus Token because they needed representation from Craig's Gang" were out there. It wasn't like he thought they would hurt him or something drastic like that, he was just far too socially anxious to walk passed Craig. Even if Craig happened to be looking up at the stars and nowhere near Tweek. After getting a call from his mother asking where he was, he was forced to straighten up his crooked shirt and keep his head down as he walked away from the shit hole diner and his former friends. 'Former' was somewhere he hated to admit they had reached. He had been gone for five years, there were whole inside jokes that he wasn't apart of, he didn't know who was dating who, what was going to happen when they graduated, and he certainly had no idea why Kenny was suddenly the coolest guy in South Park. Maybe it was his bone structure? He had stopped wearing his hood up, and he wasn't unattractive, maybe people liked that they could actually hear how nice he was. 

\----

The next day was… _weird_. Things were ever so slightly off. It seemed like the whole school was watching Tweek, watching him, talking about him, looking him up and down like he was a starving child. For a self-conscious, paranoid teenager, the looks of pity weighed on him like a ton of bricks. It wasn’t any better for Craig, everyone stared at him, whispered about him, he didn’t think he had fucked up that much. Sure, he had messed up, he certainly could have been a touch more empathetic but what did they expect? He wanted nothing more than to run over to Tweek and make out with him in the hallway just to get people to stop staring at him all day. But then they would probably just be angry at him for breaking his girlfriend's heart. Some girls were already annoyed that he would 'pretend' to like girls just for popularity. It seemed like he could never win.

Tweek was happy when he arrived at the cafeteria to see that Craig hadn’t come in yet, which meant he could sit down without feeling weird. As soon as his ass hit the cold plastic bench, Clyde was pulling him into a violent and awkward hug and screaming into his ear, “yo! Dude I missed you so much!” Which was odd because they weren’t ever that close, maybe being quarterback had given him a little bit of brain damage. Which mounted on top of his already lacking intellect was a recipe for disaster that nobody wanted to think about. Tweek had attempted to ask everyone what he missed but all he got was a small shrug from Stan and a “not much” from Kenny who was leaning against the edge of the table on his phone. It felt like the freight trained called Puberty instead of hitting Kenny and leaving him dead on the tracks, picked him up and gave him a metaphorical blow job before going off on its way. But after everything he had been through, he deserved a little something to make life suck less. Even if that little something resulted in his entire friend group giving him jealous side eye. 

"That's it!" Kyle jumped up from his seat and grabbed Kenny by his hood, dragging him screaming out of the cafeteria. Nothing bad would come from that. Nothing at all. Stan started to move to run out after them but Wendy put her hand on his, silently telling him not to. Which was probably for the best. 

“Hey, fuckers,” Craig greeted the table as he sat down across from Tweek, unaware of what had just happened. He pulled out a brightly coloured energy drink from his bag and unscrewed the lid, quickly downing it as if it was the last time he would ever drink.   
“Is Peggy not joining us today, Craig?” Wendy asked, cocking her head slightly to the side in a curious manner. It would take ten paragraphs to describe how Wendy had grown, she was just so beautiful and she had always been leagues ahead of them in maturity. The fact she didn't get a delay on puberty so that they could all catch up was horseshit.  
“She got sick of him never finishing when they got it on," Cartman explained casually as if it was the gospel  
"Fuck off, asshole." Craig flipped him off but overall seeming unphased after dealing with Cartman for so, so, so long. Although, there was a part of him that wanted to punch Cartman's teeth in. But that, it seemed, was a constant state. As was being unphased by everything, it was the plight of man, it seemed. He was always apathetic but always ready to fight. Always except for when he was around someone he cared about.   
"It's totally true!" Cartman insisted, "she told me herself! I told her: _Babe_ , Craig's a Grade A twink faggot, if you want him to cum just tie him up, put on a strap-on, stick it in his tight little ass, wear a shaggy blonde wig, and-" Cartman was cut off by Stan and Wendy both throwing wadded up napkins at him along with Craig's empty bottle which was likely Wendy's doing judging by the grin on her face. Everyone at the table laughed at the assault, everyone except Tweek and Craig who just looked at each other, both feeling that familiar pit in their stomachs. Craig was shocked out of his daze by Clyde slapping him hard on the back, then his hands on his shoulders - was he trying to massage him? He was so weird...maybe a brain scan was in order.  
“I’m sure Peg is plenty satisfied, right, man?” He didn’t give Craig any time to respond, “and if she isn’t, that’s between them. Sometimes a guy just needs to figure himself out and as his girlfriend, I’m sure Peg is really supportive of that. He came out really early so maybe he just needs to fuck around a bit before deciding what he likes. See, sexuality is a spectrum and we’re all just drifting between the many polarities-” Despite how reasonable it was, he still managed to receive a wadded up napkin to the face.

" **Dude**. Not cool, he doesn’t have the brain cells to waste,” he said to Kyle who had just entered, alone, in time to throw the napkin, seemingly unaware of the conversation. The joke earned a chuckle from everyone at the table including Clyde. But he couldn't help but notice that Tweek didn’t laugh, he didn’t even smile. Instead, his eyes remained focused on his pale hands that couldn't help but twitch in his lap and Craig couldn’t help but notice how cold they looked.

_This was going to be a long week._


	2. Falling in Love Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Does everyone here want me to die a virgin?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Wendy turns 18, Tweek spills his beer, and Craig has a crisis 
> 
> The title is from the song Stella by All Time Low,  
> we have a theme,  
> I will not give up that theme.

Tweek’s return to town wasn’t like an earthquake or a wildfire, it didn’t massively effect anything. Rather, Tweek’s return was like a light flood, the kind that you get when a river runs over and covers the town in ankle deep water: an inconvenience. His family’s coffee shop reopened only a day after their arrival back in town, returning everyone to their ‘coffee’ addiction. It was like they hadn't even left, it didn't take long for him to just slot back into the town, picking up right where he left off. Everyone was happy to see him back at school again but at the same time, everyone felt the unbearable tension. The whole town had supported Craig and Tweek’s relationship, to the very end, it was extremely creepy. Clyde had even called them a power couple and their breakup “the worst thing to ever happen in South Park". Needless to say, he cried for months about Tweek leaving and them agreeing not to try and make it work. When he left, the whole town mourned, then when word got out that he was returning, they celebrated. Even Craig's girlfriend was excited to have Tweek back in town, she wanted to nothing more than to meet the man she had heard so much about. But that happiness didn’t last. As soon as they saw each other in the diner the long-anticipated rain that would save them from the five-year drought turned to a flood. They both knew how each other felt, since the first time they thought about being together, they knew what they wanted, even if they had pretended it was all fake. Everyone was aware of it, and that’s what made it so painful. If Cartman's joke the other day wasn't grounded in the truth, Wendy and Stan wouldn't have stopped him, he would still be joking about how they want to bone, and they would excuse it as him being an asshole. Hell, Stan would probably joke along with him just to make Craig sweat. But that was the thing, it wasn’t a joke. If Tweek hadn’t come back to town, Peggy would be sitting next to Craig, holding his hand in his lap, her head on his shoulder, laughing along with them all. Because that was what they did, joke about how gay Craig was and ‘warn’ Peggy about his lack of interest in female anatomy. Which was bullshit because he was totally bi. At least, that's what he had told himself right up until she wanted to have sex with him and he almost cried - that was a very messy night. But the fact she didn’t tell anyone made his heart weep, she was so good to him and he was going to fuck it all up. If it were anyone else in South Park that he had been with, the whole town would know by morning that the second hottest guy in school cried during sex and his sex life would be ruined before it even began.

 

The rest of the week went by like clockwork. Tweek woke up, drank coffee, skipped breakfast, went to school, drank coffee, went home, drank more coffee, went to sleep at one. Similarly, Craig woke up, skipped breakfast, arrived at school late, went to Peggy’s house, and came home at one. That was until Friday: the night of Wendy Testaburger’s 18th birthday aka the Party of the Century. It seemed with every year that rolled by Wendy got 10 times hotter and 10 times cooler, why she settled for Stan was a mystery to literally everyone in town. She was always pretty well liked, she made a conscious effort to be nice to people so it wasn’t a surprise that she climbed the social ladder. Everyone assumed Stan must have been really good in bed but anyone who had been with Stan during his and Wendy's break periods shut that down very quickly.  The longest they were apart was when they were in middle school and that lasted a whole 3 months, but then they started going out immediately when they got to high school like there was some unspoken pact between them. Although they had been going out for over 8 years now, the longest they had been together without having a break was 3 years, which meant everyone was on their toes waiting for them to have a huge fight.

 

“Can I bum a fag?” Kenny asked, stepping out into the cold where Craig was smoking.

“Kyle isn’t out here, fuck off,” Craig sighed apathetically as he shoved the pack of cigarettes into Kenny’s hand. With everything that had happened in South Park, they always thought more of them would smoke or turn towards hard drugs but it was only ever Kenny and Craig, inside of their friend group, who smoked. Excluding Tweek who would always smoke weed with Craig and Kenny when offered.

“I’m not fucking Kyle. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to ride that perfect cut cock all the way to the fucking moon…look out over South Park through his window as he begs for me to close the curtains before someone sees him...” he trailed off in what Craig hoped was faux awe and not the real thing as he lit the cigarette between his lips.

Craig choked on smoke, leaning against the house for support as he tried his best not to throw up, “ what the fuck, Kenny? I was joking. Asshole,” he grunted, still trying to clear his lungs.

“Speaking of assholes, how’re you holding up? Kyle told me about your long-awaited reunion.”

“I don’t get it,” Craig sighed and took a long drag. “Everyone expects me to just drop everything I have and get with him again. Am I not allowed to have a life? Does everyone here want me to die a virgin?”

“You’re certainly gonna die a virgin if you keep dating girls. Peg told me about your uh...little…” Kenny gestured to Craig’s dick which earned him a hard kick to the shins.

“I’m into girls, just not...I don’t know, I like her, I really fucking like her. But then I think about having sex with her and I…” His head fell against the house as he dropped his cigarette into the snow and crushed it with his foot.

“Hey, this is a judgement free zone.” Kenny raised his hands in surrender, he had come out as pansexual during middle school which had surprised no one at all. “Sexuality isn’t set in stone, these things change. Maybe you’re bi and Peg’s just not your type, maybe Tweek being back is just messing with your head. You should relax a bit, grab a drink, get into a fight, just like the old times.” Kenny gave a wink and punched Craig lightly in the arm as he put out his cigarette and walked back inside.

 

That was the thing, Kenny was so nice to everyone, it was like he had a genuine interest in everyone, which sounded exhausting. No one really noticed how nice he was when he was buried in his parka. But now he wore his hood down most days and was so open about his sexuality and, with a face like that it wasn’t shocking to see why so many girls and guys were into him. All of that combined with his new ‘cool kid’ persona had made him become the coolest guy overnight, Kyle seemed to be the only person that wanted to fight that, probably because it all seemed really fake and put on.

 

When Craig stepped back inside at the stroke of midnight, things seemed to have gotten a lot more hyped than when he left. When he left for a smoke, Stan and Wendy were still setting up for beer pong, but now as he walked up he immediately turned on his heels and went the other direction. No way was he getting himself involved in the game, a game which Wendy was kicking Stan’s ass at and thus was getting him very, very, white girl wasted. So it wasn’t a surprise to see them making out on the table when he walked over.

“Straight people…” Craig muttered to himself as he scanned the rest of the party for one of his other friends. His eyes locked in on Kenny who was lying on Kyle’s lap in the living room, he kept trying to tell Kenny a story but the alcohol made him fumble over his words which were apparently the funniest thing in the world to him. Craig remembered Kenny telling him they weren’t fucking, which meant Kenny was pulling out all the stops to change that. He could have anyone, literally anyone at the party, why settle for Kyle? He was so...Kyle.

 

Craig was forced out of his thought by Clyde running up and hugging him from behind - that seemed to happen a lot lately. The hug was weird for a couple of reasons:

  1. Clyde wasn’t a tall guy
  2. Craig, however, was a tall guy
  3. Clyde was very drunk



 

“Craig!” Clyde practically screamed, “you’re here! And you’re! So!”

“Was that even a sentence?” Craig asked sarcastically as he pried Clyde away from him.

“What I meant was,” Clyde slurred his speech as he dusted himself off but still leant up against Craig to keep his balance. “You’re here! And you’re not super miserable! So that’s great!”

Craig turned to punch Clyde in the stomach, not too hard of course, he wasn’t ready to get vomit on his shirt. “Shouldn’t Token be babysitting you or something?”

“Nah, I’m running wild tonight.”

“God help us all.” Craig rolled his eyes and pushed himself into the crowd of people. He had only been back in the house for not even half an hour and he already wanted to leave again. Making his way back towards the door he felt his pocket to get his pack out. “Mother fucker…” Craig swore under his breath and turned back to the living room only to see Kenny and Kyle gone from their spot on the couch, replaced by Cartman and a crowd of Freshman.

“Sup, asshole, have you seen Kenny? Stole my cigs, I need them,” Craig asked him with so little enthusiasm it physically hurt him.

“Try again.” Cartman looked up at Craig and batted his eyelashes, which earned a frustrated grown from Craig.

“Hey, Cartman. Kenny was sitting here with Kyle, he is no longer here. Have you perchance seen him around? He stole my cigarettes from me. And I would appreciate them back because I get very aggressive when I have withdrawals and I might just punch someone in the dick if I don’t get them back.” Craig glared down at Cartman, his hand already forming a fist.  

“Oh now that you mention it, those fags went upstairs a minute ago. Try Wendy’s parent’s room.

“What the fuck did you just call-” Craig interrupted himself with a sigh, “thanks, man.”

 

Trying to get Cartman not to be the worst human on the face of the planet would have to wait, there were more important things to do tonight. Plus beating homophobia out of Cartman was like getting the juice out of a bolder. Although maybe he knew someone who could help him...someone female...Craig swore at himself, forcing the idea out of his head as he knocked on the door,

"Kenny?" He called out to no answer, "Kenny. Look, if you're fucking- or getting fucked by Kyle, I need to know before I open this door. Because, here's the thing, I really, really, really, don't want to see your penis tonight. Or any night." 

There was no answer so Craig swore, this time out loud as he opened the door, keeping his eyes shut. But when he opened them he didn't see Kenny on top of Kyle or in any position for that matter. Instead what he saw was an eighteen-year-old shaggy-haired guest sitting at the edge of the bed with his eyes glued to the beer bottle in his hands. 

"K-Kenny finally made-- made a move?" Tweek asked softly, eyes not lifting from the label he was picking at.

"Not sure- wait, you knew he wanted him? No way you're that observant, you've been back for a week," Craig sounded amazed as he closed the door and took a step towards the bed. 

"S-Sorry," Tweek apologised sincerely, lifting his gaze for a moment to look up at him sadly before dropping them back to the bottle. "Uh-- K-Kenny wants to sleep with Kyle, S-Stan, Butters, and I th-think you're-- you're still on his list..." Tweek trailed off, looking up at Craig for confirmation. Not that he cared about who Craig was with because their relationship had been fake, and they were apart for five years.

"I can't believe I have to say this," Craig let out a small sigh, "I have not had sex with Kenny. We're just friends, reluctantly. What's this list about?" Craig asked

"He told me about it when-when we got stoned-- before I left. There were a lot of people but I-- I don't thi-think he's been with-- with Kyle yet." 

"Was that when I got up to pee?" Craig asked, not remembering much about the time Tweek was referencing. He got a smile in response so he took that as a good sign and stepped closer. "Why didn't you say it was you in here? You made me think I was going to see Kenny's dick." Craig paused for a beat while he watched Tweek try to figure out what to say, taking a moment to sit down on the floor in front of Tweek. He was feeling tipsy and his legs were killing him, but it was also an excuse to look at Tweek's face better.

"I-- I thought if I didn't answer, you might...leave..." Tweek sad slowly and quietly, avoiding eye contact

"Is that an anxiety thing or a Craig thing?"

Tweek paused, his grip tightening around his beer bottle, he felt like he was going to explode. That is until Craig reached out and placed his hand on Tweek's leg and the whole world seemed to stop. "B-Both. I...you were looking for Kenny...I didn't want to disappoint you. But-- but also I don't...I don't know where we...where we are ri-right now..." He stopped talking for a beat that seemed like it lasted forever, looking at Craig helplessly, "is your gi-girl-girl-- is she here?"

“She’s…we’re complicated right now. We got into a fight last night..." he admitted, "we're trying to make it work but I don't know. She said she doesn't like the way I look at you." Craig offered a stupid smile but it was clear Tweek didn't return the feeling.

“I-I’m sorry for making things awkward," he started apologetically, fear creeping onto his face, "it wasn’t my idea to move back. I h-honestly don’t know why we even moved b-back here, Florida is gr-great!" Florida was not great, Florida was hot, lonely, and uncomfortable. Most importantly though, Craig wasn't in Florida. "And I g-guess South Park is-- is also gr-great, but I knew coming back might-- complicate things and St-Stan told me you had a g-girlfriend, I just didn’t think things would be s-so weird between us because it’s been so-- so long, you know? But wh-when I left you told me that you would wait for me b-but you never promised so I don't-" he stopped short, his eyes looking up at Craig only to frown when he was met with a smile, “what?”

“I don’t know,” Craig shrugged, “you’re cute when you rant. You get all...passionate and shit. It’s refreshing. Everyone here is dying to prove something to someone, it pisses me off. But you're just-" he exhaled, "you don't need to be nervous. I don't think you could say anything to make me not like you as much as I do."

“N-No, I can't do this." Tweek shook his head, clenching his eyes shut for a moment. "You-- ngh, you have a g-girlfriend. You’re not allowed to think that I’m-- think that I’m c-cute.” Tweek shook his head again as if trying to dispel something, he found his hands stopped shaking and he wasn't picking at his bottle, he was just…existing. Which was odd for Tweek, almost as if he was too stressed to function or respond.

“Cartman was right," he sighed but was quick to clarify, "not about the specifics, definitely not about that. But I’m not all that interested in her. I think...I think I was just with her because she liked me and she's attractive, ya know? We were going to have sex and I cried." Craig laughed bittersweetly at the words coming out of his mouth. "She knows about you. About how we got together, she knows it all, I didn't tell her it was fake. I don't want her to know, because deep down I don't think I want to know it was fake. I think She's sick of me telling her about you. And I don’t know, maybe it’s the alcohol talking but I always thought that when you came back, we’d be together again, ya know?”

Silence fell across the room, a silence broken only by the sound of a beer bottle slipping out of a particularly nervous person's shaking hand and spilling onto the carpeted floor, getting all over Craig as well. Craig jumped up quickly, staring down at his soaked skinny jeans.

"Sh-Shit! I'm so sorry!" Tweek exclaimed, quick to pick up his now empty bottle from the floor in a desperate attempt to stop the pool grow any larger. He reached out for Craig as if to help him without actually knowing how to help.

"It's okay, it's..." Craig let out a deep sigh and smiled. "I'll go grab some towels, I'll be back." Craig gave Tweek's shaggy hair a ruffle like the good old times as he awkwardly walked out of the room, trying not to rub the beer into his legs any further. 

 

As he walked down the stairs he noticed Kenny and Kyle leaning against the wall in the living room talking. When he looked closer he could see that Kenny's arm was around Kyle's waist. Well, at least someone was progressing their same-sex relationship, so it was just him who was hopeless. And maybe Clyde and Token? Where they still trying to be a thing?

"Things get a bit messy with Tweek?" Craig shocked to hear Kenny talking to him and looked down at his own pants. 

"I think I spooked him. He spilt his beer...it's everywhere..." 

Kenny gave a small pout, leaning his head against Kyle's shoulder causing him to blush lightly and look away. "I support you, man. Probably break up with your girlfriend first though."

 

Craig flipped Kenny off with a painful grunt as he pushed into the crowd to get to the dining room. He let out a sigh of relief as he saw Stan and Wendy were no longer making out all over the table and actually were playing beer pong with a couple of other people. 

"Wendy!" Craig called out. She immediately passed the ping pong ball to Bebe, giving up her turn when she heard the worry in Craig's voice. 

"Oh my god, what happened?" Wendy asked, furrowing her brows as she looked down at his soaked calves.  Sure, Wendy had become very popular over the years, but first and foremost, she was still the designated mom friend, mainly because all the boys were useless and wouldn't survive without her. 

 

"I was with Tweek having a serious grown-up conversation about grown-up things but he freaked out and spilt his beer on me. And on your parent's carpet." 

"I knew I should've locked the door..." Wendy rubbed her temple and gave a small sigh. "Stan?" She called over her shoulder. 

"Yeah?" He answered as he missed a cup with the ball and cursed. 

"Can you show Craig where the towels are?" 

"Sure thing," Stan walked around the table and gave Wendy a kiss on the cheek. "Be back in a second." 

 

Craig turned with Stan to walk out of the living room only to clench his fists at the sight of Cartman in the doorway. "What do you want, fat-ass?"  
  
"Hey! Don't call me that, faggot!"  
  
"I can't call you fat-ass but you can call me a faggot?" Craig spat, stepping closer to look down at Cartman  
  
"I only call you a faggot because you are one. Look at you," Cartman sighed, gesturing down at Craig's jeans. "You spilt beer on yourself as an excuse to take your jeans off in front of Tweek, like a fucking perv."  
  
"Think long and hard about what you're gonna fucking say next." Craig went to grab Cartman's shirt but he was easily intercepted by Stan forcing his way between the two of them.  
  
"Hey! Hey! Stop, both of you!" Stan forced himself between the two of them, "Cartman, you're an asshole. Craig, stop trying to punch people. Wendy invited you two here because we're friends with you. So, please, don’t be dicks. You can beat Cartman shitless tomorrow.”

Before Cartman could protest or make a threat against Stan’s life, he had grabbed Craig’s wrist and pulled Craig passed him and out towards the stairs. Stan wasn’t particularly short by any means, it was just that Craig was ridiculously tall. So the visual of Stan dragging Craig’s lanky ass up the stairs to the airing cupboard was a sight to see.

 

“So...what were you two up to?” Stan asked, opening the cupboard and looking around for the right towel.

"Why does everyone think we're up to something?" Craig groaned, leaning against the wall. "I have a girlfriend."

"Who you should break up with before being alone and drunk with your ex-boyfriend in Wendy's parent's room at a party that is probably getting a little bit out of control."

"What? Fuck off, Stan. First of all, I'm tipsy at best. Secondly, I love--" Stan raised a brow at Craig when he interrupted himself, "I like my girlfriend a lot. Thirdly, Tweek's just a friend."

"Kenny and Kyle are friends...Clyde and Token are friends...though I guess they're not exes so it's more like when Wendy and I said we would be better as friends...do you remember how long that lasted?"

"Hey, Stan, how long does it take to find a fucking towel?" Craig spat, pushing himself off the wall to look in the cupboard. A cupboard that happened to be full of towels.

"Be patient! I have to find an old one that Wendy won't kill you for destroying." Stan proudly pulled out an old paint covered towel and passed it to Craig with a smile

"God...you're so domestic..." Craig went to grab the towel but Stan pulled it away 

"I don't want to pressure you into feeling things you don't feel because that's how this mess started, but I don't like seeing you in pain"

"What makes you think I'm in pain?" 

Stan failed to respond, simply giving him a look that one would give a piece of fresh road kill if they had a particular fondness for animals. 

"Oh, fuck off!" Craig hissed, grabbing Stan's arm quickly and dragging him into Wendy's room to get some privacy. 

 

Wendy's room was the same bright pink that he had remembered, with the same white double bed that was definitely not big enough for her and Stan to lay down without being forced to cuddle. Which, he guessed, was the point. The only thing of note in the room was basic it felt, she had fairy lights on her bed frame and polaroids on a cork board that showed off her friends and Stan, mostly Stan. It was odd really, Wendy had always said she wouldn't sacrifice her beliefs for popularity. Yet she had become the head cheerleader and had a friend circle that rivalled the size of Kenny's, a guy who made a point to be friendly towards everyone he met. A part of it was inspiring, she hadn't sacrificed any part of her and people still liked her, once and for all burying the Evil Popular Girl cliche. 

"Is this your thing now? Getting people alone in rooms?" Stan asked, quirking an eyebrow at Craig as he sat on the edge of Wendy's bed. 

"We were never together. Me and Tweek. We were never actually going out." Craig admitted as he closed the door and leant up against it. 

"What?" Stan was in the middle of fixing Wendy's pillows -an act which made Craig want to vomit- when he looked back at him with a shocked face. "What do you mean you were never together? You dated for three years, we all saw you hug and...and you broke up twice, why would you get back together again?"

Craig let out a deep sigh, already regretting what he had gotten himself into. "The first time when Tweek got all improv on me, we got back together because that's what everyone wanted and because everyone hated me. The second time...I don't know, I think it just fit the whole superhero plotline for us to get back together...or maybe we actually liked each other and missed being apart- I don't know." Craig shook his head and slid down the wall, his lanky legs folding up to his chest. 

"So all of it was fake? The holding hands every day despite no one being around? Calling each other pet names, kissing his cheek so much it made Cartman vomit?" Stan and Craig both smiled at the memory of that last one. "Does anyone else know?"

"Kenny, but what doesn't he know?"

"In my professional opinion as someone who has been dating the same person for the past eight years, stop trying so hard. Relationships aren't easy but they're not meant to be hard all the time. When you and Tweek were fake going out, you barely fought, you could calm him down at the drop of a hat, you weren't bending over backwards to make things work because you didn't need to. Can you seriously look me in the eyes and tell me you weren't happy with him?"

"I'm happy with Peggy," Craig said firmly but dodged Stan's eyes. His gaze instead focused on the series of class photos on Wendy's chalkboard, they started when they hit middle school when she decided to keep a history of the wreck freight train Puberty caused. 

"Are you? Do you think no one noticed how uncomfortable you are with PDA and how she ignores that completely?" Stan asked, referencing all the times she would kiss him or hug him for an extended period of time in the crowded hallways. "Maybe she's a great girl, but you deserve someone who respects your boundaries and she deserves someone who will fuck her in a crowded hallway because I guess that's what she's into?"

"Thanks, man." Craig stayed silent for a moment, thinking about everything that had happened that night and how Wendy was probably completely oblivious to all the drama. "I should go make sure Tweek hasn't fallen asleep in a puddle of beer..." he trailed off as he stood up and opened the door. 

"Goodluck, Craig. And remember we're all on your side here," Stan said with a smile as he got up and handed Craig the old towel. He opened the door for him and stepped out into the hallway, making sure to close the door behind him. 

Craig stared down at the towel folded up in his hands, then up at Stan who was already walking briskly down the stairs to rejoin the party. He was right, he wasn't happy. The only time he was happy with his girlfriend was when they were at lunch with all his friends. True, it had started out great but the more things dragged on, the harder things became, then Tweak came back and every ounce of hope left him. Because as much as he hated to admit it, he loved Tweak. Loved him in a way that made PDA seem obtainable, after all, they had never kissed while they were together. Still, there was an ache in his heart, a worried feeling, because what if he didn't feel the same way? What if Tweak was straight and was just doing all of this for the narrative it built? The thought was enough to make Craig want to curl up in a ball and cry. Which he almost did but opted instead to slump down outside the door to Wendy's parent's room until he could find the strength to collect himself. 

He must've been sitting there for at least twenty minutes before the door swung open and Tweak, eyes bloodshot and body trembling, stood in the doorway looking down at Craig in disbelief. 

"C-Craig?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised on my Tumblr, I will be putting out an Instagram aesthetic post with every new chapter. This weeks aesthetic is Wendy Testaburger, you can see it here:
> 
> https://tinyurl.com/y88coeqv
> 
> Thank you for ready, love all y'all <3  
> 


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